The following is an excerpt from The Thread of Life by Heather Masco. It’s a featured Speakeasy selection, and there are still limited review copies available for qualified reviewers.
As the warm reds
and browns of
autumn fade
into the glittering
white of winter,
nourishing the soil
for the green
birth of spring—
Jesus mended,
cut, stitched,
and gathered
my torn spirit
into the makings
of a beautiful
masterpiece.
I started
letting go of
my embedded fears
and suffocating
anxieties;
while I worked to
repair my shredded
confidence
in others.
God washed away
the grime of my sins
and self doubt,
allowing
the vibrant
red of his love,
the brilliant blue
of faith and trust,
and the rich green
of new beginnings
to shine brightly
within my life.
Slowly—
ever so gently,
Jesus peeled away
the protective layers
I’d built around
my heart and mind,
loosening their
restrictive tethers;
until he
uncovered a
blackened,
layer of decay.
“Jesus, what is this?”
I asked,
confused,
worried.
“This is your
hatred.
Hatred towards
your perpetrator,
your mother,
yourself.”
Appalled—
I turned away.
“How do I fix this?”
“You must learn
to forgive—
you must shear
the hatred
from your life.”
“But, God,
I can’t
forgive them—
they deserve
my vengeance.
It’s my right to hate
what defiled me
and allowed me
to be defiled.”
“Mary,
you deserve
to live
your life
free from evil
and from this
rot decaying
your soul.
You deserve
to live in
my peace
and in the
comfort of
my undying love.
You believed in me;
asked for
forgiveness—
and I forgave you.
But you must
now learn
how to forgive
for yourself.”
“I can’t do
what you’re
asking of me,
God,” I cried!
Frustrated,
and troubled—
I ran.
I ran from
Jesus.
I ran as far
as my legs
would take me.
I ran for
my lost
innocence.
I ran for
the little girl
whose childhood
was stripped
from her.
I ran to
ease the pain
—to drown out
what Jesus
was asking of me.
How could I
forgive that bastard?
He was evil.
I hated him.
No way—
could I
forgive him.
And my mother—
she didn’t stop him.
She ignored
the signs
and instead,
turned a blind eye
to my pain,
choosing him
over me.
She let me down—
crushing
my hope.
And me,
what did I do
to stop the rape?
I fought—
but
gave up.
I should have
kept fighting.
I should have
yelled
and screamed.
I should have
run away.
I should have
told someone,
anyone,
somehow,
someway—
but I didn’t.
I became a
mannequin.
I didn’t
deserve
forgiveness.
I didn’t
deserve
love.
Sobbing,
I stumbled—
blinded by tears.
My knees
crumbled
and I
sunk to
the ground.
Bitterness swelled
inside me;
mixing with anger
until they bubbled
over and
poured
from my eyes.
How dare Jesus
ask me to forgive—
when the world
told me,
I should hate.
But if—
if hate was
the answer—
then why was
my spirit rotting
from the
inside out?
Why was it
separating me
from Jesus?
“WHY JESUS?
WHY IS THIS
HAPPENING?”
I screamed!
“Hate is fed
to you
by the devil.
It is evil.
It invades
your soul,
like vines
that wrap
around
your heart,
and mind;
strangling them;
turning them black;
consuming
your spirit;
filling you
with darkness.
“Lord, I
don’t want
to be filled
with hate,
but I’m not
ready—or
strong enough
to forgive.”
“Dear child,
I do not expect
you to forgive
on your own.
I am with you
—always.
I will give you
the strength.
Just ask
me
to help you—
and I will.”
A waterfall
of tears
rushed
from my eyes.
My heart
pounded
against my chest;
shaking,
I bowed my head.
Praise for The Thread of Life
“Heather’s work is honest and vulnerable, heartbreaking, brave, and clear. She puts words to an experience that many—too many—can relate to. And yet she shares her journey of finding truth and freedom, with hopes of guiding others on a similar path to healing. Thank you, Heather, for showing us the power of Jesus and that fullness of life is available to all.”
—Andrea Baker, Founder and Executive Director, Word Made Flesh Bolivia
“As a pastor and therapist, reading The Thread of Life touched me. In the midst of a swirling, hurting world, Masco offers a tangible sense of hope and resolution. I found it powerfully deep but also restorative and refreshing. It was so helpful that I immediately had several of our staff members read it, too. Simply put: if you are hunting for healing, this book is worth your time.”
—Brad Strait, Senior Pastor, Cherry Creek Presbyterian Church
About the Author
Heather Masco is a full-time registered nurse in Denver, Colorado. She received her BSN from the University of Colorado and BAs in English and German Secondary-Education from Michigan State University. She lives with her husband and two sons in the front range mountains, where she enjoys numerous outdoor sports. She finds inspiration for her writing from nature, family, her profession, and her faith in Jesus Christ.
No comments yet.